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A Teacher’s Perspective: How to Comfort a Grieving Child

In recognition of October marking Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month, A Corner of Heaven author Laura Dewire shares her experience as a teacher helping young children grieve a loss in their family. 

In caring for children, there are things you learn by studying. There are pedagogies and theories all about child development and practices that are appropriate for young minds.

There are also things that can be learned only by doing. I’ve been a first- and second-grade teacher for three years now, and one of the biggest things I’ve learned is how to care for a child who is hurting.

There are certain kinds of hurt that can be fixed with a Lion King Band-Aid and a big hug. There are other kinds of hurt that require a snuggle session with a good book. And then there is the inexplicable kind of hurt you can’t take away or make better no matter how hard you try.

When there is loss in a child’s life, the way in which he or she processes pain looks a lot different from the way an adult or even a teenager might handle grief. It’s important not to underestimate or overestimate what exactly a child is feeling.

A Corner of HeavenThe best practices I’ve found for helping a child who is grieving are:

  1. Be an active listener. Allow the child to feel a full range of emotions—sometimes all at the same time. Be the listener you would need if you were hurting or upset.
  2. Be a safe place. A child in school spends more waking time with a teacher than with his or her family during the school year. This means the classroom environment you create has the potential to be a respite for a child who is hurting. Structure and routines are so important in a child’s life! Providing that stability is a major component to aiding a child who is grieving.
  3. Be flexible. When a child’s life is interrupted by pain, the child will react in a way that represents that sudden change. There will be days when everything goes according to plan, and there will be days when you feel lucky to have made it out with all your hair still attached. Remaining flexible and staying positive are imperative.

There is no greater pain for me than to see one of my students automaten hurting. Whether it’s because he fell off the monkey bars or because she’s lost a sibling or parent, when my children hurt, I hurt. Sometimes there are perfect words to say, and sometimes words fail. In times when words fall short, simply be there.

Love them.

Laura Dewire Kailen Offutt

Q&A with Author Laura Dewire

Laura Dewire is a teacher who learned more from one of her students than she ever expected. An assignment done by young Kailen Offutt opened Laura’s eyes to the prevalence of infant loss and miscarriage, prompting Laura to team with Kailen to create a hope-filled resource for families experiencing unimaginable grief. This is the story of A Corner of Heaven.

What was the inspiration for this book?

My inspiration for this book came from a family portrait that my student Kailen drew when she was in first grade. The picture depicted her family on earth and a small baby in the upper right-hand corner. She explained to me that most of her family lives on earth, but her baby brother, Kulen, lives in Heaven with God.

How long did it take you to write this book?

I wrote the entire book in 20 minutes at my kitchen table on a wintry night. Before I began, I prayed to God, “If this is something you’d like to see made, give me the words.”

How has your relationship grown with Kailen and the Offutt family during the process of creating this book?

The book has been such a source of healing and joy for both the Offutt family and for me. It still astounds me that out of something so painful and tragic, something beautiful and lovely was created. The Offutts are like a second family to me, and I am incredibly indebted to them for their love and support.

What are your goals and/or intentions for this book?

My prayer for this book is that it can be for other families what it has been for the Offutt family. I hope it can be a shining light of peace for families. I hope it can serve as a reminder that God can make something beautiful out of something broken. I hope it heals. I hope it protects. I hope it serves.

What do you hope families take away from sharing this book with their children?

My hope is that this book can be shared by families with one another. I hope they can read it together and experience all of the emotions alongside one another. I hope it’s a book read over and over again, providing healing and solace each time.

Author Laura Dewire is a dog-loving, coffee-drinking glitter fanatic from Wauwatosa, Wisconsin. She enjoys a red lip, a cold can of Diet Coke, a warm doughnut, and cooking in her cast-iron skillet. She tries with all her heart to live and love like Jesus every day.

Teacher, Student Team to Support Grieving Families

A Corner of HeavenWhat started as a simple first-grade assignment in small-town Ripley transformed into a loving bond and a powerful book designed to make a lasting impact all around the world.

When the children’s book A Corner of Heaven releases Tuesday, author Laura Dewire and illustrator Kailen Offutt will offer their gift to grieving families here on earth and pay tribute to those families’ angel babies.

“When Kailen was my student, she drew a family portrait that included her baby brother, Kulen, in the upper right-hand corner. She explained to me that he lives in Heaven,” says Dewire, a teacher at St. Michael School. “Kulen had been born sleeping, and his family still celebrated his life.”

Dewire became close with the Offutt family and soon developed the idea for a book that could help the older siblings of babies lost through miscarriage or infant death. Passionate and inspired, Dewire wrote the text in only 20 minutes and paired her words with the illustrations created by Kailen, now 9.

A Corner of Heaven will benefit Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep, a nonprofit organization that provides remembrance photography for bereaved families like the Offutts.

“The book has been such a source of healing and joy for both the Offutt family and for me,” says Dewire, a Miami University graduate. “It still astounds me that out of something so painful and tragic, something beautiful and lovely was created.”

Dewire and the Offutt family will celebrate the launch of A Corner of Heaven with a reception at 11 a.m. Sunday at the St. Michael Parish Hall. They also will hold signing events at 7 p.m. Jan. 26 at the Union Township Library in Ripley and at 1 p.m. Feb. 4 at the Adams County Library in Peebles.

“My prayer for this book is that it can be for other families what it has been for the Offutt family,” Dewire says. “I hope it can be a shining light of peace for families. I hope it can serve as a reminder that God can make something beautiful out of something broken. I hope it heals. I hope it protects. I hope it serves.”

A Corner of Heaven can be purchased in hardback for $16.95.

A Corner of Heaven (Maysville Ledger Independent)